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Writer's pictureDaniel Troyak

A Journey of Compassion and Understanding: Working With Guilt and Shame

Updated: Dec 9, 2023


 

Female inmate standing at the yard gate with her hands on the bars

For several years, I've embarked on a remarkable journey across the state, venturing into the confines of correctional centres to engage in meaningful conversations about mental, emotional and spiritual health with both inmates and staff. Along the way, I've encountered individuals from all walks of life, each with their own unique stories and perspectives. Yet, amidst this diversity, a common thread emerges: a deep-seated yearning for peace and transformation, a wish to break free from the shackles of suffering and embrace a life of purpose and fulfillment.


This yearning is particularly evident among the women I've met in these correctional centres. Their experiences, often marked by societal pressures, emotional burdens, and difficult choices, have left them grappling with a profound sense of shame. Unlike their male counterparts, who often struggle with the heavy weight of guilt, these women bear the additional burden of societal expectations and self-judgment.


My first visit to Dilwynnia Correctional Centre, a women's prison, proved to be an eye-opening experience. I was invited by my friend and fellow Buddhist Chaplain, Geoffrey, to witness firsthand the unique dynamics of a female correctional environment. As I observed Geoff's interactions with the inmates, I was struck by the genuine care and compassion that permeated his approach. Each woman he interacted with felt seen, heard, and valued, a stark contrast to the often impersonal and punitive atmosphere of the prison system.


My experience at Dilwynnia also highlighted the nuanced differences between male and female inmates. While guilt tends to dominate the emotional landscape of male prisons, shame is the prevailing sentiment among women. This distinction underscores the profound impact of societal expectations and gender roles on individual experiences of suffering.


Despite these differences, the underlying theme of suffering remains universal. Whether it manifests as guilt or shame, the pain of these individuals is real and palpable. Yet, amidst this darkness, a radiant lotus flower blooms in the muddy waters of samsara in the form of the Buddha's teachings.


The Buddha, in his infinite wisdom, recognised the universal nature of suffering and offered a path to liberation. His teachings provide a framework for understanding the root causes of our suffering and the means to overcome them. Through various practices of mindfulness, meditation, mind-training, compassion, and wisdom, we can cultivate inner peace and transform our lives from within.


The Dharma is highly effective in working with negative and stuck emotions, particularly in dealing with guilt and shame. Guilt often arises in connection with the pain and harm we inflict upon others. It is essentially the ego's way of highlighting all the perceived wrongs, leading to self-condemnation and a belief that we are undeserving of happiness. When we dwell on this guilt, our focus becomes self-centred, diverting us from addressing the underlying issue directly.


The cycle of guilt constantly reminds us of our past mistakes, while shame reinforces the belief that we are inherently bad. These emotions trap us in a cycle of negative thoughts and feelings, prompting destructive behaviours toward ourselves and others. This, in turn, accumulates negative karma, perpetuating a state of suffering. To alleviate the weight of guilt, the Buddha prescribes purification practices like the Four Remedial Forces. This involves acknowledging our negative karma, feeling regret and remorse, and making a sincere commitment to refrain from repeating those actions.


To address shame, we can work on cultivating loving-kindness and engage in the profound practice of rejoicing in merit. Rejoicing in merit involves reflecting on our positive intentions to enhance our body, speech, and mind for personal growth and the wellbeing of others. This practice helps release the grip of shame, allowing us to recognise and develop our intrinsic positive qualities. By extending love to ourselves, we can then genuinely care for others, demonstrating loving kindness. As we nurture loving kindness towards all beings, we naturally engage in positive actions and develop bodhicitta, which serves as a powerful purifier for both guilt and shame. Ultimately, the cultivation of bodhicitta is crucial for liberating ourselves from these negative emotions and fostering genuine personal growth.


This journey within the walls of correctional centres has been an empowering and inspiring experience. It has reaffirmed my belief in the transformative power of the Buddha's teachings and the inherent goodness that resides within each of us.


 

Discover the compassionate guidance of Daniel Troyak, a skilled Mindfulness-based Therapist, as he assists you in unravelling the contents of your mind. With his support, you gain valuable tools for emotional processing and healing, empowering you to embrace a life filled with happiness, calmness, and inner peace.





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